dear “dad”

To the father I never had,
I hope you’re living life to the fullest,
As I seem to be wasting my tears on someone who left,
Who never calls and someone who decided to erase me from their life,
I craved your attention,
I needed your love,
But I was never someone you thought of.
I wanted to cry and tell you how much it hurts that you live your life full of lies.
Now I can waste my words on you,
I can cry out my pain but you’ll never listen because I wasn’t worth your perfect ways.
You never said “I love you”,
And I always wondered why.
I wanted to scream,
I wanted to yell,
Instead a few tears fell.
You laughed at my feelings,
God I wish I could laugh at them too.
I can’t say anything because there’s nothing left to say;
You walked out the door before I could tell you to stay.
Maybe if I fell and hit my head a little too hard,
Maybe one day you’ll come to visit my grave.
I wish I was enough to fit your perfect ways.
You always remind me that I’m nothing,
That I’m always too hard to be loved,
As much as I try to be the best,
You remind me that I’ll fail.
You would yell at my face until all I could hear was this empty void.
You’d pick everyone over me because I’m not worth it at all.
You taught me that men can’t love me,
That I’m too sensitive to be cared for,
You’d hit my brother and tell him it was his fault,
You wouldn’t listen and you wouldn’t love, you slam the door when you have had enough.
You’ll never dare mention the names of your children,
Because we have all failed you madly,
So I slit my wrists and your son turns to drugs,
And then you tell everyone that you love us.
You put on a mask,
And people deeply believe that the mask is your true being,
As for the rest of us we see past your mask and we see your rotten heart,
For simply we weren’t enough.
I hope one day you look back and see that we made it through,
Because I’m such a beautiful person and you’ll fail to see,
That my beauty is everywhere if you only wanted to know me.