Like A Phoenix

I used to wear lacy black underwear
not because I had to,
but because I could to feel pretty.
And to hide the blank canvas of white,
skin that constricts all my soul’s insecurities,
like a vice,
filled with tactile depression

I used to lie in bed
screaming in my head to forget all my
insecurities
to stop them from rising to the surface
I would watch others
smearing creams, oils, inks, and dyes
to hide who they were.
I couldn’t hide my fears
instead my nails picked at them
pick pick pick
until my insecurities
oozed out
crimson red for all to see.

But then I met you
when you touched me
I went from blank white
to a vibrant canvas of red, blue, and purple.
Red as passionate as can be,
blue as beautiful as the sea,
purple as regal as a queen
And for a moment I was happy.

Lips on lips,
Skin on skin,
Hand on hand,
but then I discovered
your darkness
The black of your heart

You dressed not in that black
But rather like the colours I desired.
Cunning like the green,
wise like the blue,
loyal like the yellow,
and braves like the red,
but your colours hid the black.

You were a brick
tied to my legs
dragging me deep down.
You were wind
that clipped my wings.

Left me battered and bruised
red, purple, blue
faded to grey
a lifeless grey.

I became utterly
alone
but I am better for it
because I no longer need
you
or that lacy black underwear.
And you may have burned me
but like a Phoenix
I rise again
In all the colours of the rainbow